While it has been a bit of a blur, this last month has been amazing. I never realized how much I would love my daughter, or that my love for her would grow stronger with each day. I am constantly amazed that this perfect little being was only a month ago growing inside of me. I am in awe of her sweet face. Every day with Aubrey is a wonderful new adventure.
I don't believe I have gone through a period of post-partum depression as much as I have gone through new-baby exhaustion. The first few weeks I was in a bit of a fog adjusting to my new life. I enjoyed getting to know my daughter--learning her cues for when she is hungry, wants to snuggle, is dirty, etc. I've found that all the things I said I definitely wouldn't do as a parent . . . well, I'm doing them. On our first night home from the hospital I gave my inconsolable child a pacifier so that we could all finally get back to sleep. I never thought breastfeeding would be difficult, so it never occurred to me that I would be bottle-feeding my child formula. And worst of all? I vehemently opposed co-sleeping, siting how there are so many studies that prove this undermines a child's independence and self-confidence. Guess where Aubrey spends most of her nights now? You guessed it . . . sleeping snuggled up in her mother's arms.
I'm not as frantic about my house as I once was. There are days where I am lucky to just take a shower, let alone clean anything in the house. I used to become agitated and irritable if Ron tried to do something to help around the house, simply because I prefer to do it myself. I'm a bit of a control freak. I can admit it. I thought having a baby would make me more of a fanatic than ever before, but I was wrong. While our house is in no way filthy, I will happily put aside cleaning in order to spend time cuddling my child.
It surprises me just how much my life has changed, and all for the better. I wake up in the mornings to the most amazing smile. I enjoy Aubrey's awkward little hands smacking away at my face while she babbles at me to wake up. The smell of Aubrey's skin makes my heart ache with how special she is. I can sit in the rocker for hours without realizing how much time has gone by, simply because my little angel is asleep on my chest and I don't want to move her. I look at my child's face and I try to memorize each and every little detail about her.
It is amazing to me that Ron and I were blessed with a child, especially one who came so soon after our wedding. I see my husband in a different light now that he is a father. There is nothing more attractive than to see Ron nurturing our daughter. I love how small she looks when he is holding her. How she fits so perfectly on his chest with her head resting above his heart. How he so easily fell in love with his daughter immediately after her birth. I am looking forward to our life together as a family and can't wait to see how their relationship will grow in the coming years.
This last month has been filled with challenges but overrun with rewards as well. I am looking forward to Aubrey's second month of life and all that it has in store for our family.
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